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Carole's Collection of Jokes
She submitted so many jokes I gave her - her own page
If you have a suitable favourite joke - submit by using the WOW button
Jokes 1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5 || 6 || 7 || 8 || 9 || 10
Please ONLY original jokes - NO copyright material.
man's dog gets hit by a car, so he takes the dog to the vet, he says to
the vet, my dog got hit by a car, and I think he's dead, but I just need
a second opinion.
So the vet checks out the dog and say's
well sir I'm afraid that your dog is dead.
So the vet sends in a cat, and the cat makes a complete circle around the dog snuffing, it then jumps off the table screeching and raced out the door. The vet says see, even the cat knows that your dog is dead.
Well, the man still wanted another opinion. So the vet sends in a lab dog, the dog snuffs his way around the dog and runs off yelping. So now the man is quite convinced that his dog is dead, so he turns to the vet and asked well, How much do I owe ya?
The vet replies, that will be eight hundred and fifty dollars.
The man says wow! That's a little steep ain't it?
The vet says, well fifty of the bill is my fee, the other eight hundred is for the cat scan and lab work!
The three daughter's of a single mother decide to get married on the same day. They also, decided to stay at their mother's to celebrate their wedding night. That night the mother decided to stroll down the hall of the bedrooms.
She first went to her first daughters bedroom door & heard her daughter crying, she then went to the second bedroom door and discovered her second daughter laughing hysterically, she finally got to the third door and was surprised to hear not a sound from her third daughters bedroom.
When the girls got up for breakfast the next morning , she couldn't help but ask them about what she had heard. She asked her daughters one at a time: "umm, I was wandering through the halls last night and I heard you crying , why were you crying"?
Her daughter replied. "well you always told me to cry when something hurt".
Then she asked her second daughter "umm. I was walking through the halls last night and heard you laughing, Why were you laughing"?
Her second daughter replied "well you always told me to laugh when something tickled".
She then asked her third daughter "umm. I was walking through the halls last night and didn't hear anything from you, why were you so silent"?
Her daughter replied
"You always told me not to talk with a mouth full."
A daughter decides to bring her boyfriend
home to meet the folks.
So up the stairs they went. But the
boyfriend had other ideas. So he takes off his coat;
The mother says; "oh, don't be silly
go on back up there. So the daughter goes back upstairs.
The mother says; "oh, get back up
there silly" The daughter then goes back upstairs.
Mother says; you stay down here I'll go up stairs!
So there's an Italian, German and a Chinese, and they were all do to get the gas chamber. Well, the judge offers them a deal that if they spied on his wife, and tell him if she was cheating on him or not, that they would be released.
So the Italian sets out on this journey, and comes back in front of the judge one week later. Judge says;" well, What did you find out?" The Italian said; I couldn't see nothing! I don't have an answer!
The judge then sends the Italian back to prison.
So out goes the German. The German comes back to the judge and says, "your honour I didn't find know information for you," I am sorry sir! So back to the pen went the German.
Now he sends out the Chinese man. One week later the Chinese man comes back with a broken neck, broken leg and bruises from head to toe. The judge asks, What in the world happened to you? The Chinese man says; well, you ask me to go see, so I go see. I could not see, so I climb tree, and I saw he, and I saw she.
Judge says; And what did you see?
Chinese man says:
How do you know when a polock`s been in yer backyard?
When yer garbage is tipped over, and yer dogs pregnant!
Mary had a little lamb and tied him to a heater, and every time he turned around he burned his little peter!
One night as a couple lays down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulders and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.
The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear:
Do you have a Dentist appointment too?
Q: Why do women have
smaller feet than men?
Q: Why do men pass gas
more than women?
Q: If your dog is barking
at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you
let in first?
In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Always give 100 percent at work.
I've put together a small Quiz for you, relating to Australian Slang
Good luck, and have fun.
Australian Slang [Aussie Talk]
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Jokes 1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5 || 6 || 7 || 8 || 9 || 10
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